Birthday Cake

Why can't it be appropriate to have birthday cake every day of the year? I'm thinking it should be like a staple--you know, like milk and eggs and cheese. Right there at the bottom of the staples list should be birthday cake. Every single week. Birthday cake. Then, I'd be living the dream.

Lack of birthday cake makes for a rough day. I'm not mad yet, but I'll be mad when mine is gone, and even more mad that I shared it with my husband.

neighbors

Hey asshole, thanks so much for getting up at 7 fucking AM to work on your roof this Saturday morning. There's nothing like waking up on the one day you get to sleep in by the sound of you and your worker buddies jamming to the latino station and pounding your hammer as loud as you possibly can.

Coupons

WTF? I just got my new Woman's Day magazine, and someone has gone through and clipped out all of the coupons. Apparently, someone at USPS has way too much time on their hands. This might explain why my mail often doesn't show up until 5:oo P.M. every day and some days not until 7:00. My postal worker is sitting in his little postal car perusing the magazines and clipping out the coupons instead of working his route. I might have to turn him in to the postal service police for coupon stealing and job neglect.

Facebook

I think Facebook is a menace. Sure, it's great to find old friends. But what about when old friends find you? And by old friends I mean either, people you don't even know who in the hell they are, but you went to elementary school or junior high or met at the dentist in 1972 and they've hunted you down OR people who you actually know, but would be perfectly happy living your whole life never talking to, much less having to look at up close on a damned profile picture every day.

But yet, I somehow feel guilty hitting the "ignore" button. So, I accept them, and then I have to listen to their random crap every single day. Which brings up two more subjects.

One, who has the free time to post on that thing 500 times a day. Get a job. A real one. Where you actually do work. No, posting on facebook every ten minutes is not work. And two, do you really think people care to hear what you are doing every second of every day? Can you possibly be that self important? Apparently, about ten of you on my facebook list can.

Jon and Kate

I am sick of seeing them on the cover of my US weekly. One of the two of their faces has graced my last 3 covers. Where is my news on Lindsay Lohan or Angeline Jolie or Jennifer Aniston? I don't really give a shit about Jon and Kate. Is it really a surprise to find out that people who have 8 freaking kids aren't happy? I mean, seriously. Jon's probably trying to escape reality every chance he gets. I'm sure the recent photos that have cropped up are just the tip of the iceberg.

Nevermind the fact that everyone calls Kate a bitch in the articles. If I had birthed 8 kids and then had to raise them, I'd be pretty pissed off, too. Jon's lucky she doesn't kick him in the man business every single day when she wakes up.