Sunday, April 18, 2010

The movie theater line

How is it the movie theater gives so many good topics for posting on my blog?

My husband and I went to see Kick Ass yesterday. It was the first Saturday it was out, and we went to the last movie time in the afternoon before the prices went up. So, of course, I'm anticipating that it's going to be busy. I'm not a crazy person. I know when you go to the a widely publicized movie on the first Saturday it's out, in the middle of the afternoon, it's going to be a mob. I sent my husband for seats and I went for the popcorn, soda, and a hot dog.

The line was long. There were two cashiers (annoying enough), and the line was about six people deep per cashier. I stood in line for close to twenty minutes. I have to assume the people in front of me stood in line for just as long. So, the lady before the lady in front of me gets to the front and stands there for several minutes looking at the billboard trying to decide what to choose. Seriously, what in the hell were you doing for the twenty minutes or ten minutes or even FIVE minutes you standing in line. You're by yourself, so you weren't talking to a buddy. You weren't on your cell phone. Pretty much all you had to do was look at the menu up at the top and choose what size popcorn and soda you wanted. Even with the newer fancy stuff like hot dogs and nachos, it's not like it's a complicated menu.

I wanted to push this lady to the side and tell her to get back in line when she knew what she wanted. Of course, I didn't, because that might either get me beat up or arrested for assault and battery. And I wanted to see the movie. But it still made me really mad.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

White trash and the principal

My family is white trash. There, I've said it.

So, apparently, one of my cousins' children (lets call this cousin WT1 for the sake of anonymity) decided to write some story at school about how his teacher was a bitch and how he was going to come in and shoot her and the principal and these other five kids who have been bullying him. This kid is nine. NINE. Apparently the story contained a lot of F words and a lot of B words and a lot of shooting. Needless to say, the police got called and his mom got called and he got suspended for 45 days. Nevermind the fact that a nine year old is going around calling his teacher a fucking bitch. I can't even understand. BUT then, my cousin's sister (we'll call her WT2) decides to call up the principal and cuss her out, also calling her a fucking bitch and telling her she is going to kill her. I mean WTF? My cousin is like 39 years old and not even the kids mom. And how are you going to call anyone up when your child or nephew has been running around telling people he's going to bring a gun to school and shoot everyone and then cuss that person out for suspending him for the safety of the school?

I can't even understand. Did I say that already? Anyone with good sense would be horrified. I would be horrified if my nine year old said the F word to a teacher. HORRIFIED. Then to make it worse, my poor uncle (who is less WT than they are) feels compelled to go up to the school on his birthday to apologize to the principal for having WT kids and grand kids. What a mess.

Sometimes people's stupidity is unreal. Your kid did not hang the moon. And when you're near forty, you are too old to call and cuss someone out and tell them you are going to kick their ass. Seriously. You are.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Kirstie Alley

She says she wants to weigh 150 pounds so she can wear a size four. I hate to break it to her fat ass, but I weigh 150 pounds, and there is no way in hell my fat ass could squeeze my THIGH into the waist band of a size four. I fear she's in for a rude awakening. The weird shit celebrities say about weight pisses me off. It's like they're weight retarded. See my former post on Kim Kardashian being a size 2.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

gas station

So, last night, I pull into the gas station in an attempt to get gas. Nice and simple. I get out of my car, I put in my credit card, I lift the apparatus that pumps the gas, unscrew the cap, and I begin to pump. Again, nice and simple.

Until some lady comes running out of the gas station screaming at me about how I'm pumping gas on some other customer's pump. WTF? Did I run over a really small car or motorcycle that I didn't see? Turns out, some idiot parked his car in the spaces in front of the gas station, went in and paid, and then was going to drive to the pump. Who in the hell does that? Even if you pay in cash, you always pull in front of the pump and then walk in, right? Well, if you don't, you should, because that's what happens--somebody gets on your pump.

Apparently, I pumped $1.11 of someone else's gas, and the gas station lady is telling me I have to give this man $1.11 in cash. I tell that lady she can suck it (in a nice way, because I am, after all, classy), and that this is not my problem, I don't have any cash, and they are going to have to reimburse the customer. I had no way of knowing he had paid to pump gas on that pump. She looked at me like I was an idiot and the devil, both at the same time. I'm familiar with the look, because I give it to my husband a lot.

Just goes to show that stupid people can mess up the most mundane of things.