Kirstie Alley

She says she wants to weigh 150 pounds so she can wear a size four. I hate to break it to her fat ass, but I weigh 150 pounds, and there is no way in hell my fat ass could squeeze my THIGH into the waist band of a size four. I fear she's in for a rude awakening. The weird shit celebrities say about weight pisses me off. It's like they're weight retarded. See my former post on Kim Kardashian being a size 2.

gas station

So, last night, I pull into the gas station in an attempt to get gas. Nice and simple. I get out of my car, I put in my credit card, I lift the apparatus that pumps the gas, unscrew the cap, and I begin to pump. Again, nice and simple.

Until some lady comes running out of the gas station screaming at me about how I'm pumping gas on some other customer's pump. WTF? Did I run over a really small car or motorcycle that I didn't see? Turns out, some idiot parked his car in the spaces in front of the gas station, went in and paid, and then was going to drive to the pump. Who in the hell does that? Even if you pay in cash, you always pull in front of the pump and then walk in, right? Well, if you don't, you should, because that's what happens--somebody gets on your pump.

Apparently, I pumped $1.11 of someone else's gas, and the gas station lady is telling me I have to give this man $1.11 in cash. I tell that lady she can suck it (in a nice way, because I am, after all, classy), and that this is not my problem, I don't have any cash, and they are going to have to reimburse the customer. I had no way of knowing he had paid to pump gas on that pump. She looked at me like I was an idiot and the devil, both at the same time. I'm familiar with the look, because I give it to my husband a lot.

Just goes to show that stupid people can mess up the most mundane of things.

Hotel TV

Why does the hotel TV always go back to the promotional "pay" movie channels. It really annoys me when I accidentally hit the off button, and turn the TV back on, that it is not on the same channel. If I wanted to watch the pay TV channel, I would turn the channel there.

Shhhh...

Shhhshing someone is just rude. But shhhshing someone in their own office when you are yelling at them, and they ask you to stop yelling is justification for a punch in the face.

Smoke Alarm

Why is it that the battery on the smoke alarm always goes out at 4 AM. Then I am awoken by a constant loud beeping and have to attempt to climb up on a stool in the middle of a half awake state and remove a battery. Which believe me, sounds much easier than it is.

Maybe I should start installing them late at night and then when they've run their course, they'll start alerting me in the middle of the day.

This does not make me mad

Okay, so this doesn't make me mad, but somebody obviously got this person or group of people fired up. If I could only find these third graders, they could probably do a guest spot on my blog!

http://andiamnotlying.com/2010/types-of-bitches/

Proactiv

Why is it that in the Proactiv commercials, the celebrities are rubbing Proactiv on their face while they have make up on? Katy Perry has on lipstick for goodness sake. Doesn't rubbing this all over your face with make up on defeat its purpose? Totally ridiculous! Do they really expect me to believe that crap? Your skin looks better in the after shots, because you have make up on, you a hole.