Makin' Out

If you are over the age of 30, under no circumstances should you be making out in a public place. Honestly, I don't think there's ever a time when I want to see two people with their tongues down each others throats, but I especially don't want to see it from people who are about to collect social security. Keep it clean, people. Keep it clean. If I had a fetish for porn with old people, I'd look some up on the internet.

Toenails

Don't wear open toed shoes if you have nasty toenails. Spend the money, get a pedicure. Yes, men, you too can get a pedicure. If you don't want to, that's fine. But please don't make me look at your nasty yellow scarred toenails with crusty skin surrounding the nail beds peeking out from your shoes. It makes me want to puke on myself.

Popcorn

Seriously? I went to the movies last night, and the concession prices have gone up again. Why even charge me to go to the movie? You must be making a fortune on your popcorn alone. I used to make it at my job, before they took our customer friendly popcorn machine away, and it cost maybe like $2 to fill that machine up. You could get about ten bags out of what those bags would pop. And you know how much the movie theater is charging for a large popcorn? Seven dollars and fifty cents. Let me say it again...SEVEN DOLLARS AND FIFTY EFFING CENTS. It's highway robbery.

Let's say they can only get five bags out of that popcorn. Even at that rate, they're making, what? Like $37.50? That's like a 1000% return on investment (I'm making a point here...so please no one tell me what the ROI is on the popcorn). How do these people sleep at night? They could pay for the building, the movie, the concession worker's minimum wage...all on the popcorn alone.

Well, I'm taking a stand. No large popcorn for me. I'm only buying the small popcorn from now on.

children

Screaming children don't really belong anywhere, other than at home, in my opinion. But definitely, absolutely, 100%, they do not belong in a public library. I am four stories up, in a room with closed doors, and I can still hear some child screaming at the top of their lungs downstairs in the library. She has been screaming for five minutes. You would think the parents would have left at this point. Guess what? They haven't.

Who cares if the child isn't bothering you, because this is the same way they act at home? One of the reasons I don't have kids is because I don't want to listen to them scream. Your hanging out here with your screaming child kind of defeats that purpose.

story tellers

I hate listening to people tell the same (insert expletive here) stories over and over. If you are going to think of yourself as a story teller, you need to have more than five (another expletive) stories to tell. And if you are going to round out your story telling career at the same five stories you retell over and over, they should not all be about how great you think you are. That is even more annoying. I know, hard to believe. Why wouldn't someone want to hear all about you and your success every (expletive) time you opened your mouth? You make me mad.

Leggings

If you are above a size 14, you should not wear leggings. You should definitely not wear leggings if you are wearing a shirt that does not cover your ass. Because I don't want to get stuck behind you walking somewhere while your big ass jiggles in my face. Period.

money budgeting

If you are unwilling to keep a check register, and you insist on going to the casino four times a week and making withdrawals at the ATM, don't come and blame me when you have $500 in overdraft fees. Because I'm not even listening to it. Asshole.

Buttons

Large chested ladies, I ask you...why do fashion designers make button up shirts where there is a button right above the widest part of your breasts, and a button right below the largest part of your breasts, but no button right at the largest part. So, now, every button down shirt has a gap that looks like you're trying to invite someone to look at your goods. How is it nobody has figured out how to place buttons so all ladies can wear button down shirts and have them look flattering? THAT for sure makes me mad!