Mondays

Mondays make me mad. So do Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. Friday is slightly better.

Lady Gaga

Why in the hell does she always look so ridiculous?

Just looking at her at awards shows pisses me off, because she looks like a total idiot with stupid feather things around her face. Why would someone intentionally make themselves look ugly?

Does it mean I'm old because I always think she looks ridiculous?

Sleeveless dresses

I have been shopping all summer. And it has been for the same thing, a dress that is not sleeveless. Do you know how hard it is to find a dress that has sleeves these days?

Now, I appreciate that it is 100 degrees most days where I live. But I work. In a professional environment. And dresses without sleeves are not allowed. I prefer a dress, because, well, it's just easier. You only have to pull one piece out of your closet. You don't have to match anything, except for your shoes. It makes the morning go so much faster. One less decision I have to make before a day that will have a thousand other decisions.

I know, I know, I can put a cardigan over my sleeveless dress. But did I mention that it's 100 degrees most days where I live? The thought of putting on a sweater makes me cringe. I might as well put on tights and boots, too.

J. Crew, Ann Taylor, The Limited--sure you have one or two dresses with sleeves, but most of your items are sleeveless! I think somebody needs to help you learn some more about your demographic. Surely I am not the only woman this kind of nonsense makes mad. Surely.

Criss Angel

Criss Angel is a douche bag.

Shark Week

My husband pointed this out to me last week, so I paid especially close attention to the variety of shark information offered on Discovery Channel's shark week line up. There were still a few informative shows, educating the masses about sharks--how the feed, how they breed, etc. But mostly, the programs were littered with stories of shark attacks. Now, I am not sure how shark week turned into such a gruesome program, but I am not a fan. I am fascinated with sharks, and I have even been diving with them. When I think of Discovery's purpose as a network, I think of it as a place to be educated about, well, all kinds of things. I do not think of it as a place where people go to be instilled with fear regarding any species. Their purpose is to educate, not traumatize. After watching some of those shows, I would have to contemplate wading on the beach shore line, never mind heading out for a SCUBA excursion.

I think of the young folks who might have grown up to have important careers in ocean studies, maybe even dreamed of being a pro surfer but are now horrified to think that every time they stick a foot in the ocean, it is liable to be removed by a shark's bite. Damned Discovery Channel. They've made me mad.

IRAs

Why is it when you read financial information, they always tell you if you put X amount in an IRA starting at age 25 and let it grow until you retire, you'll have X amount, provided it is at least a 10% return? Can someone sign me up for this please? Because I've had an IRA for quite some time, even before this ugly economic downturn, and never once has it been at a 10% return. I'm lucky to get 5%, and that's when I put it into a CD IRA. So, where in the hell are these people finding these IRAs? I want to know! Otherwise, I'd like to read some financial information that quotes a more accurate rate. Stop getting my hopes up.

Suze Orman

I like Suze. I think she's a smart cookie. I like watching her on Oprah and watching her deny people who ask to buy stupid stuff and I like reading her column. But sometimes, the people she talks to are just idiots.

This couple on the last show makes about $3500 a month and according to Suze when she breaks down what they are spending, they are actually paying out about $6200 a month and are trying to figure out how to cut back. Then Suze, like she always does, goes through their expenses to make a determination, and one of the things she suggests to the couple is that the woman stop getting manicures and pedicures, on which she spends about $100 a month. If I were Suze, I would have to say, "Are you shitting me? You are paying out almost twice your salary in bills, and your dumb ass is still paying to have your nails done? Buy a damned nail file and some cuticle cream and get over yourself."

Of course, Suze does not say that, which is probably why she gets to be on Oprah and I do not.