Grab and Go

Do they have Love's where you live? The one that's a gas station that usually has a Subway or an A&W in them, where truck drivers can get everything their hearts desire? We have them all over Oklahoma, and on my way through to Dallas, I always stop in Ardmore to get a mini Godfather's pizza. Godfather's is no longer open as a restaurant, so it is the only place you can get their pizza anymore. There is a sign on the warmer rack (no, they don't make it fresh), and it say "grab and go." So, if you're in a hurry, you grab your pizza and go. I look forward to it every time I drive to Dallas. I would almost say it is the highlight of my trip.

So, you can imagine my dismay when I pull up and run in to "grab and go" and there are no pizzas to grab. It's not like they're just out of pepperoni or meat lover's, they're out of everything. And I would say this is the case 50% of the time--that there are no pizzas to "grab and go." Every time I get there and there is no pizza, I want to rip down their little "grab and go" sign and throw it at someone. It really pisses me off. Clearly, it doesn't take a genius to figure out you can't "grab and go" if there's nothing to grab. And then you have to wait like 15 minutes to get a pizza. That just totally defeats the whole purpose now, doesn't it?

Birthdays

First, let me say, I am an only child. My birthday was always an huge deal growing up, with lots of cake, lots of presents, and most importantly, lots of fanfare. I grew up believing my birthday was a special day, and as an adult, I still treat it as such. I start my countdown at the beginning of May (my birthday is on the last day), and I begin the celebration a week out. Usually, I go somewhere on a trip, and I NEVER work on my birthday. EVER. Basically, it's a big deal.

So, here's what makes me mad. Anyone who knows me know this. I announce it to the world--that my birthday is coming, that I am excited, that I love birthday attention. And if people choose to not do something that is fine, but at least they know. There are some people in the world who sit idly by pretending that their birthday is not a big deal, and that is fine as well. But IT IS NOT FINE for someone to pretend it is not a big deal, and then get angry or upset when nobody makes a big deal out of it. If you want a big deal, let people know for goodness sakes!

Don't say, "I don't need anything," when someone asks you what you want, and then sulk when you don't get anything. It just isn't fair. This just doesn't make any sense.

And on that note--"It's three days until my birthday!"

The maid is fired

When I was little, I used to joke with my Mom that doing laundry was her hobby. She does laundry like you've never seen. Colors never fade, clothes never shrink, everything comes out looking as if I had it taken to the dry cleaner. Unfortunately, I did not inherit this gene. I did, however, learn the basics of doing laundry. Meaning I separate the items out. I do the dark colors with the dark colors. I do the whites with the whites. I put like fabrics together. I even change the setting on the washing machine from Permanent Press or Cotton to Delicates when I wash my "under things."

Whenever I dump out my hamper and start sorting my clothes all over the floor and I yell at my husband, "do you have any white stuff that needs to be washed?" He looks at me like I'm insane (you'd think by now, after he's seen me do this nine hundred times he would stop), and he says, "I just put all my stuff in together. Why do you sort yours out?" And for the nine hundredth time I tell him sorting laundry is important. It keeps the colors from fading, and even more importantly, it keeps the colors from running.

So, today, I am putting in my clothes after returning from camping, and I ask, "do you have any clothes to put in the washing machine?" And I stick my stuff in and he sticks his stuff in and long story short, all of our stuff comes out blue. Why? Because dillhole stuck a blue hoodie that had never been washed in with all of our clothes. That's what I get for letting him be in charge. Learned my lesson.

Do you think next time, when I'm sorting, he'll ask me why I don't just wash it all together? I bet you five whole dollars that he does.

Panty Hose

I will wear a good pair of tights. I put dark ones on in the winter with cute boots, and they keep me warm, and I love them. I can throw them in the washing machine, and wear them a good ten or twelve times and they are still in great condition. I love thick ones and patterned ones and bright colored ones.

But what I hate are panty hose. I cannot stress enough how strongly I feel the word hate deep down in my soul every time I think about these hideous things. They are uncomfortable, they are ugly, and worst of all, you can probably wear the pair one time before you get a run in them and then have to throw them away.

Men complain about ties, about how they are uncomfortable and hot. How about having to put a tight pair of nylon made crotch huggers on and wearing them around in 105 degree heat? You think your neck is hot, let's talk about how great you'd feel with your crotch all hot and sweaty. And at least if you pay $40 for a tie, you can wear it until the end of all time. I pay $4 for a pair of hose I get to wear once before I have to throw them in the trash. Talk about a waste of money.

And did I mention they are UGLY? If they looked really great, I could maybe understand. But they are hideous looking, and people make all kinds of fashion blunders with them. Black hose with white shoes. Toe seamed hose with open toed shoes. Hose with sandals. They are just something else to confuse the fashionably inept.

They should be removed from all shelves and burned. Just my opinion.

Hand Eye Coordination

I have horrible hand eye coordination, and on top of that horribly slow reflexes. (Do those go hand in hand?) I am one of those people, who when you raise your hand up like you are going to play slap me, and thirty seconds later I react.

Usually, in my adult life, being that I play no intramural sports, it does not affect me.

Only recently, my husband and I have added to our library of Wii games. Last night, I thought, "hey, why not try some of these out?" I never, and I mean NEVER play video games. It is usually because of my aforementioned affliction. My husband, on the other hand, being the nerd he is, grew up on computer and video games. It is one of the few times I think he is a genius--when I see him in action with the Wii controller.

Now, I don't know if everyone is familiar with the Wii controller, but it is much more difficult to use than your average controller. You hold it in/with one hand, not two, and then there is another part you hold in your other hand. So, (in case you're not getting it), you actually are manning TWO controllers--both which have buttons. You use ALL of the buttons to make your man shoot, run, walk, stab people with a knife, etc. I'm trying to play Resident Evil 4, and apparently it is so funny, that my husband decides to get out the video camera while I try to shoot zombies and say the F word five hundred times. That'll be one to save and show to the kids!

I die quickly, and while it is painless, the obvious deflation of my pride is not.

Of course, when it's his turn, he hits every single zombie right in the head, clears them with one shot, and doesn't even break a sweat, much less utter a foul four digit word.

And that, my good friends, is why I NEVER play video games.

Rain

How is it it's always bright and sunny on the days when I'm hard at work, slaving away for "the man," and then, on the weekend I'm supposed to go camping a big storm is due in. The little picture shows lightning and everything! Yes, it does...it makes me mad.

Waiting

I get both my eyebrows and hair done at N Style Salon on Penn here in the great state of Oklahoma. And yesterday, I had an appointment. They are always scheduled back to back, because the salon isn't close to my house and who wants to drive a long way for an eyebrow wax?

So, I show up five minutes early, because I'm the type of person who, if I'm late, it's because I'm not coming. And the receptionist shows me to the day spa, and I wait and wait and wait. Finally, twenty five minutes later, I get up and go out to the receptionist and tell her I don't want to wait anymore, because I have a hair appointment for which I am already late. So, she goes and gets my hair stylist who comes up to me and asks me if I got Whitney's message (Whitney is the eyebrow lady).

Well, "no," I say..."I left my phone at home." And she tells me Whitney had to cancel the appointment. Which is fine with me, and I'm not mad at Whitney at all, because I understand things come up, but why in the hell did the receptionist let me sit there for 25 minutes waiting on someone who wasn't even there? I was super mad. I think I'm going to have to call and complain.

Sad days

Days when I feel sad for no reason make me mad. I just want to lay in bed and pull up the covers and watch Lifetime Movie Network all day without thinking about anything. When my husband asks me why, I realize I don't really have a reason. It simply is what it is. A sad day.

flowers

People who plant plastic flowers in pots and (even worse) in the ground in areas outside and around their home make me mad. It's just plain tacky. Period. And who do they think they're fooling anyway? Do they think even one single person drives by their house and doesn't recognize that those flowers are plastic? Are they drunk?

big boobs (again)

Today, my boobs are making me mad. I bought a cute striped shirt from J. Crew--square neckline, cute little cap sleeves, but it's one of those loose fit type shirts. You know, the ones that are like a tunic dress, but are just a shirt? I really liked it, so I bought it, but now that I have it on today...not so much. If it would lay flat, it wouldn't look so bad. But with my big boobs, I look like I weigh about 20 more pounds.

I still don't understand why people pay to have these annoying things. Really, I don't.

$70 textbooks

I have not been a student for a very long time. Ten years plus. But I have decided to go back to school at night and get my masters. So, yesterday, I head up to The University of Central Oklahoma, better known as UCO, to get my student ID, parking permit, and my books for the one class I am taking.

This one class, is four days a week, 3.5 hours a night, four weeks total, and is all over Chaucer. I didn't know Chaucer had written quite that much and I can't imagine what we are possibly going to study for 56 hours around his writing. But the real kicker, other than being the oldest person after the professors on the entire campus, was going to the bookstore. I had forgotten how much textbooks were!

I find my class listed, and there is only one book above the list, and I am thinking, "whew!" I was afraid I was going to have to buy four or five and spend over $100. A lady comes up who works there and tells me she thinks she has one of the books used and can save me $20, and I'm thinking--"WOOHOO! Cheap book!" And so I glance at the price on the new books to see how much I'm going to have to pay and about have a heart attack. That one book alone was $95! The used price was $65! God Bless that lady for saving me $30!

It made me really angry to have to pay $70 ($65 plus the tax) for a stupid book I one, didn't want in the first place, two, would never read again, and three, would probably get $15 for when I sold it. But that will be a whole other post, I'm sure. Check back at the end of the summer session.

Gary England

I don't know how it works where you live, but here in Oklahoma, our meteorologists are busy not only with crazy weather, but also with interrupting all of my TV programs to tell me there are thunderstorms on the way. Not so bad if they came on in the middle of the gajillion commercials shown, but noooo, they wait until right as the show comes back on, and is at a pivotal moment, and then, before I know it, I'm looking at a big fat picture filled with Gary England and his stupid weather maps. What's even more annoying is that half the time there's not even so much as a drop of rain. A whole big build up, an interruption of my show, and then nothing. Asshole.

Irregardless

makes me mad, because it's not an actual word. Yes, it shows in the dictionary, but only because stupid people use it. It also says in the entry that it is not a standard word. The absolute worst is when people use it because they think it is a "big word" and makes them sound smart. Idiots.