NUTS!

Why is it nuts are so expensive? Are they really hard to harvest or something? I'm not asking in a smart ass way, I'm honestly curious. I'm not talking about peanuts, but the good nuts--cashews, pistachios, almonds. We were at the grocery store last night--not a fancy earthy health type one, but a regular old Homeland--and there was a bag of pistacios calling my name. Only it was like 50 pistachios for around $5.00. That's 10 cents a nut (yes, folks, in addition to my many other talents, I can do math)! It made me mad. I really wanted those pistachios. But I'll be damned if I was going to pay 10 cents per nut for a bag.

appetizer

I order an appetizer to appease my appetite while I'm waiting on my entree. I do not usually order an appetizer unless I am starving and cannot fathom having to wait until my actual meal arrives. So, it really makes me mad when the waiter/waitress brings my appetizer at the same time they bring my entree. Why in the hell would I order an appetizer if I wanted it with my entree? Why would I say, "to start out with, we'd like the ___." What is it they think I mean exactly? If I was ordering it with my meal, I'd be ordering it as a side dish, not as an appetizer. And then, they look at me like I'm crazy when they bring it out with my meal and I no longer want it. I wanted it as an appetizer! Now that my actual meal is here, I'm not interested in the "pre-meal" anymore. Sheesh, people...

the end

I think I've mentioned somewhere that I love horror movies. I love the good ones, but I'm a rare breed--I like the bad ones, too. But what I don't like, what makes me mad, is when I'm watching one that is really good...you know one that actually makes you feel afraid, like you might have a nightmare or feel scared when you go into your dark and empty house that night by yourself...one of those ones, and then the ending is really stupid. And it just ruins the whole entire movie. Because I'll be sitting there watching that movie, thinking in my head, "wow, this one is really good," (because believe me, a good horror movie is a true rarity), and then at the end, I'll wind up thinking, "what the hell was that?" Just like that. In five minutes, that perfect horror movie is ruined by some idiot who couldn't write an ending. It really pisses me off.

pedicure

It makes me mad when you get your toenails done, and they look all nice and ready for summer (even when it is not summer) painted a color with a fun name like Tango or Ruby Slippers or something like that, and then, the next day, you ram your toe on something and it chips the polish. $30 down the drain. Just like that.

Oscar

I am not a movie snob. I admit to watching multiple B grade horror movies on a Friday night. I love a romantic comedy. I'll watch an Indie or two, every once in awhile. The point here is I watch movies, all kinds of movies, but I watch them to be entertained. As long as I'm watching something that keeps my attention (which trust me, is hard), I don't care what it is.

I oftentimes think movie snobs like art for arts sake. They annoy me. They are pretentious. They do not appreciate movies--just certain types of movies. They are a lot like book snobs (which I am sure I will post about another day). They look down on people who watch movies in regular theaters--you know, those theaters that do not show ONLY independent films. I cannot stand these people.

But I digress. My main point here is that the Oscar contenders for best picture make me mad every year. One out of five, maybe in a good year two, are worth watching. Some of them are great because the acting is great. And some of them are great because they are an in depth character study. But some of them are horrible. They are long winded, have no point, and evoke zero emotion. I do not understand how they are nominated. I actually have to suffer through some of these films just to be able to say I've educated myself on all Oscar contenders prior to making my own "winner" selection. I cannot possibly imagine how any one person, much less a group of people got together, sat down, and thought, "man, I know that movie just sucked away two hours of my life, and wasn't even mildly interesting, but it's long, it's a period piece, nothing really happens in the whole movie, and it has some good acting in it. Definitely, this one should be up for best picture."

And for this crap hole list of movies I have to watch every year to maybe find one that I think is worthy of such a prestigious award? I blame the damned movie snobs. Those people who watch the movie and say it's good, because they think they're supposed to like it. They don't want to tell their other movie snob friends that they didn't like the best picture contenders. Because they might be shunned. They might be shunned by their other snobby movie friends. And then what? Their movie opinion would have no clout, and they would be forced to go to AMC or Lowe's to watch the "common" movies with the rest of us.

Once there they might discover the true value of entertainment. Maybe the cinematic pleasures of Transformers and The Bourne Ultimatum would not be lost on them. Maybe they would see the value of a blockbuster movie and what it had to offer. And *alakazam!* no more movie snob.

One can hope...

fishing season

It's getting close to being about that time. Another month and it will be officially fishing season. At least my fishing season. Not too hot, not too cold, just perfect 75 degree weather, and it's time to go.

But here's what makes me mad. Every season I head out to Bass Pro and get myself restocked on all necessary tackle. New weights, hooks, a hula popper or two, and I'm ready to go. Only always, ALWAYS, some sexist asshole sees me in there with my soon to be husband (who knows ZERO about fishing), and asks him if he's teaching the "little lady how to fish." Excuse me dumbass, but did it ever occur to you that since I am the one HOLDING all of the equipment and picking it out that I might be the one who actually knows about fishing?

I know, it's a concept. A lady who knows how to fish.

valentine's day

I could post a whole rant about the commercialization of holidays and how Valentine's Day was created by the Hallmarks of the world to sell cards, gifts, make money, whatever. But really, I don't care. The only thing that makes me mad on Valentine's Day is the price of flowers. What I want to know is this...how is it that ever other freaking day of the year I can buy a dozen roses for $19.99 at any flower shop, but on Valentine's Day those same roses cost me $99.99? I know, I know--supply and demand. But come on, really? That's like a four hundred percent mark up. Florists are taking advantage of guys who lack the imagination to do something other than buy flowers on Valentine's Day. They are gouging the poor saps who are just trying to win the heart of some lovely lady. It really is pathetic. What would happen if one Valentine's Day everyone just stopped buying flowers? If the demand went down, would the price also go down? Maybe next year Americans should band together and have a "flower out." Just a thought.

Give me a $9.99 Russell Stover's box of candy any day. Sit me down in front of a good crime show with my chocolates and a Diet Coke, and let's call it a day.