Elliptical

People who get on the elliptical machines at the gym that have both mobile arms and legs and then do not use the arm part really annoy me. Especially when there are machines available where the arms are stationary. Do they not know that there are people who want to use only the elliptical machines where the arms move? Then I have to wait for them to get off a piece of equipment they weren't using right in the first place.

Can you say smelly?

People who smell bad make me mad. They make me even more mad when I have to interact with them for a long period of time (read 10 minutes) and am forced to smell their stink. It's one thing to have to run an errand right after you go to the gym and have a little bit of post work out smell to you. It's a whole other thing to smell like you don't know how to even use deodorant, much less what it is.

Final Sale

Are you familiar with a final sale? In case there's a man out there reading, a final sale is a fabulous clearance where you get items for dirt cheap, but they can't be returned. Now that's one thing when you are actually in a store where you can try things on, but a whole other animal when you shop online, because you have no way of knowing whether or not an item runs small or big or is a tight in the butt...you get the picture.

I shop J. Crew a lot, and I love the prices on the final sale items. There's some really great stuff, marked to near nothing--which means I can get a $200 dress for $85, which is a bargain to me, but my husband doesn't necessarily see the same value in it. Neither here nor there, I see the items, but I never actually buy them. And you know why? Because they're not returnable. I'm not a size 2, so everything doesn't look fabulous on me, and while an $85 dress is a great deal, it's not a great deal if my ass doesn't fit into it and I can never wear it.

But finally, there were some really cute head bands on sale, and who doesn't need a patent leather yellow headband? So, I folded--gave in to the yearning--and finally bought something from the final sale. I got the headband--fabulous!--and I wore it three times, and it broke. How does a headband break, you ask? Thank you so much for asking. The elastic part that goes around the bottom part of your head that holds the headband in place, broke at a seam, so now I cannot wear the headband.

It makes me mad I can't even complain about the shoddy craftsmanship when I go to return the headband, because I CAN'T RETURN THE HEADBAND!

The moral of this story is...do not buy things on final sale. They are on final sale for a reason. Lesson learned.

Where did you take Driver's Ed?

Because half of the world does not understand the concept of a turn signal. A turn signal, in case you do not know, is used to let other people know you are making a turn. ANYTIME you are making a turn, you should put on your signal. See, I live by a major street. So, turning right or left to get out is sometimes a hassle. I also live about two blocks from the busiest mall in my city, so Christmastime is delightful as far as getting anywhere outside my neighborhood. There is nothing that makes me more angry (well, maybe there are some things) than sitting at the end of my street waiting to make a right or left turn and having some idget get right up to my street and then turn, without ever putting on a signal. This might be confusing for you, so let me explain. Basically, what I'm saying is, I could have gotten out onto the major street had I known Mr. (or Ms.) Idget was going to be turning. But instead, I sat there and waited,thinking they were going to continue on the major street (how dumb of me!) as they turned with no warning, and now I have missed my chance and must wait for five more minutes.

The turn signals were put there for a reason dillhole! They are worth lots of points on your driver's ed test, and if you do not use them, you can FAIL. F-A-I-L. It is my opinion that you should have to retest in order to get your license renewed. Maybe then, these inconsiderate a-holes will remember what common courtesy is. Or maybe one day they'll take it in the bumper. A good rear ending from another car unaware of the intent to turn would surely cure them of this annoying habit.

It's tough being back in the real world and off vacation.

And I'm out!

I am leaving on vacation today, so posts until March 25th will be few and far between--maybe none. When I return I am sure I will have much to write about! I'm more predisposed to anger when I'm on vacation. Doesn't make much sense, I know, but there's many more people with whom to interact who are stupid and therefore annoying.

in laws

Soon to be in laws make me mad. I am quite certain that the same in laws, when they are officially in laws, will still make me mad.

Double parkers

No, I'm not talking about parallel parking. What I'm talking about is the dillhole who goes to the mall on a Saturday afternoon and parks their car across the line so that they're taking up two spaces. Now, I know there are some people who just can't park. And there are some people, who when they went to park had another person next to them who had gone over the line, which forced them to go over the line. But what I'm talking about here are Mr. Hummers who have a brand new fancy car, and think because they bought something half the price of my house,they are entitled to use up two parking spaces so their car doesn't scratched. It makes me mad. Nobody wants their car door dinged at the mall. But the difference between me and that a-hole is he's practically asking for some pissed off mall patron (like myself) who has driven around for forty minutes and cannot find a single available space (like myself) to throw a little pebble at his paint job and pray it makes a scratch. At the very least, if you feel you are completely justified in using two spaces, come to the mall on a Monday night. Don't come in the middle of a Saturday afternoon.

And if you have a scratch on your car, don't look at me.

Co workers

It makes me mad when a coworker eats my food. Who gets in a refrigerator and eats something they know does not belong to them? What if I walked in and found them eating my food? Aren't they afraid?

There is nothing more upsetting than dreaming of the leftover pizza you have in the refrigerator and then going into the breakroom to find it has disappeared by way of someone else's digestive system. So upsetting. Ruins my whole day.

Poo Poo Pants

It makes me mad when people bring kids who have pooped in their diaper into my office and then proceed to conduct an hour's worth of business in a small enclosed space while I am subjected to the stink of their offensive smelling child. It is abhorrible.

Skinny people

I'm not thin. I'm not fat, either, but I'm definitely not thin. I'm 5'8, fluctuate between 145 and 150 and I wear a size ten. This means that I can look good, but only if I choose clothes wisely. I have fat legs, so I can't wear mini skirts or short shorts. I don't have a waist, so anything that accentuates that is not good for me. There are trends I cannot wear at all, because they do not flatter my figure. I have to spend extra time and be extra careful when choosing a swimsuit, because some look okay, but some make me look like a fat cow.

My best friend, she's a thin person. She weighs around 100 pounds. I hate her for it every time she has on a short skirt with cowboy boots, or when we go on a SCUBA trip, and we're sitting next to each other on the dive boat in our swimsuits. If I didn't look fat before, sitting next to 100 pounds in a bikini makes me look like the fattest person on the boat.

I wonder what it must be like to look good in everything. Thin people must spend a fortune on clothes. I weed out half of what I buy by eliminating things that just don't look good on me. How much would I spend if everything looked fabulous? What if every time I put a dress on, I looked like a million bucks? Would it cost me a million bucks?

Or to never have to worry about whether or not I look fat in something? I spend half my day adjusting my skirt/jeans/slacks to make sure I don't have a muffin top--or adjusting the back of my bra to create the illusion that I have no back fat. What if there really was none?

What if I could eat whatever and never have to work out and could still wear that fabulous bikini hanging in the Juniors section at Target, even though I'm 32?

And for all of these reasons, thin people make me mad. Why is it some people get to have spectacular bodies without even trying? I can't imagine what I might have done in a past life to be punished so. Not only am I not one of these people, but I am also forced to sit next to one of them on the SCUBA boat. Probably for the rest of my life. Just my luck.

lines

I'm waiting in line at Hobby Lobby. I'm waiting behind four or five people to purchase some ribbon and thread for dresses. After a moment the cashier who notices the long line calls up another cashier, and as they open their register, they say, "I can take whoever is next."

Now why is it when people at the end of the line hear this they proceed like a herd of animals to the new register that was just opened? Even if five people are waiting ahead of them, they think they can cheat the system and cut and get up to the register before the people who have been waiting. The cashier did not say, "whoever has waited the shortest amount of time, please, cut everyone else. I opened this register just to accommodate you so you wouldn't have to wait longer than 30 seconds. Please disregard the other people who have been waiting longer. In fact, cut them off as they move to exit the line they are waiting in and get in my line, so that when they actually make it into my line, they will have to wait longer than they would have had they stayed in the original line." Rude people make me mad.